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It’s not possible to take a bath and not get wet.

Nor is it possible to sit and run at the same time; close your eyes and see at the same time; or safely drink or text and drive at the same time.

There are lots of things we misguidedly attempt to do at the same time. 

Be it in governance, relationships or daily living, most of us are unable to eat an ice cream cone and pat our tummy without making a mess.

Here are a few stellar examples:

• Justice and bureaucracy — As a personal view, the most politically dangerous governmental bureaucracy in my community is our judicial system. It’s underfunded, poorly managed and about as effective as a Barney Fife firearms safety course. Good at rewarding the legal profession; it’s bad at about everything else. Don’t believe it? Stop by any morning courtroom call and watch the clumsy and costly waste in taxpayer dollars, common sense and everyone’s time — but for those making $300 an hour.

• Serve and rob — I’ve always found it fascinating how we can uphold veterans as “protectors of freedom” and then waste them in political foreign entanglements that have absolutely nothing to do with security or uplifting anything but the fantasies and indulgences of political vanity kings. Perhaps as revenge, far too many of our veterans then come home and milk the system for sketchy disability claims and free healthcare that secures the V.A. as a thriving bureaucracy. Retired military or harmed in service? You’ve earned everything they have to offer. Joined to serve and came back intact? Excuse me for attacking a holy grail, but you and I were never promised free health care, and I personally consider taking it without direct service-connected cause a form of theft mocking everything serving our country is about. 

• Honest government and media bias — In my community the Democrat Party controls everything but the wetness of water. Their power base includes 99 percent of our elected offices; 95 percent of those attorneys I just mentioned, and every primary media outlet. Therein lies a big problem. There is no oversight for error, misjudgment or bad policy. What we have is missing or tainted investigative journalism blended with excuses, coverup and relentless antagonism toward those with a view differing from the dominating liberal power. Diversity of thought and view in Asheville is an urban myth.

• Love and emotional safety — Changing channels to the relationship side of life, it’s not possible to love someone and guard yourself at the same time. By its very nature – giving, surrendering, contributing  and risking – love requires vulnerability. The short of it – you can love your spouse or play cover your behind. Unconditional love is a tough mistress. It’s not about becoming somebody’s whipping post – being strong remains important – so much as keeping your priorities in order. A baseball player’s primary focus is on hitting the ball, not avoiding a pitcher’s wayward throws.

• Man/Woman and Other — Gender swapping has become this generation’s version of the Hula-Hoop, lava-lamp, Rubik’s Cube, neon-haired troglodytes, pet rocks, Crocs and Vera Bradley pocketbooks. It’s going to have about the same generational lifespan as these previously entertaining distractions. Why? Because human beings are stuck with two genders, not the oft-cited 72. Why the restriction? Don’t ask me – ask Mother Nature. If ‘science is real’ how does one ignore the biological reality of just two chromosomal configurations? Biologically, one can be a man or a woman. What we chose to do with our respective parts is another matter. 

• Relationship and dishonesty — Without truth, nothing good in the human experience grows and that most especially applies to relationships. Truth is a magic elixir that – like the sun – keeps things healthy. Trying to build any relationship – personal, business, family or social – without truth is like driving a car without gasoline. Sooner or later, you’re going to get stranded in a bad place.

• Liberated and dependent — Though we think of ourselves as card-carrying American freedom-lovers, most people readily swap security for liberty. Watch what happens when one becomes a ward of the government. Our world becomes smaller, more negative, and anxiety flavored. For the same reason a well-fed caged lion is rarely satisfied, men and women who evade carrying their own weight are somebody’s prisoner.  

• Equal and a victim — The folks running around accusing everyone else of racism are commonly racists themselves. Worse, they’re selling the idea that a particular group are mournful victims of abuse and thus deserve a special deal. True as that may be, you can’t be a victim and an equal at the same time. Pick equality, quit blaming others for your misery, ignore the race-baiters, and press on the building a life of contribution. You can’t control your color. You can manage most everything else.

• Happy and angry — Angry people can be powerful, intimidating and successful. They absolutely cannot be happy. Anger is like a drug – it gets you high, but then there’s the crash, hangover, and risk of addiction. Think of anger as fire. It’s meant to be used carefully. 

Take a moment and ask yourself if you have any square peg – round hole behaviors that merit reconsideration.

If you’re driving while you’re reading this, start with that one.

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Conserve [v. kuhn-surv] To use or manage wisely; preserve, save...

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Carl Mumpower is a practicing psychologist and former member of Asheville City Council. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .