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The Advice Goddess: February 2019
Sunday, 03 February 2019 21:30
Syndicated Columnist

Q: A lot of women are posting pix of themselves on Instagram in very skimpy attire. I dont feel comfortable doing that (though Im in great shape), because Im single and Im afraid men would think Im easy. Am I right in thinking men dont take you seriously as relationship material if you post this type of pix? Or am I prudish and out of touch?


A: Ideally, if you tell somebody you have a few more weeks out on disability, they dont immediately assume its because you got really bad friction burns working the pole.

 Evolutionary psychologist Cari Goetz and her colleagues note not surprisingly  that men see skimpy attire on a woman as a signal that they can manipulate her into casual sex. (Women in their research also understood that men perceive skimpy attire this way.) But who actually ends up manipulating whom?

 Just like in the advertising world, in the natural world, there are many, shall we say, less-than-truthful messages from humans, animals, and even some nasty little con artists of the plant world. 

Take the flower Ophrys apifera, aka the bee orchid. The bee orchid puts out fake female bee scent, and its got markings and a slight coating of fur like female bees. The poor little sex-mad male bees try to hump the bee orchids and, in the process, pick up orchid pollen that they end up transferring when they try their luck with the next orchid in a lady bee suit. 

 Goetz and her team speculate that some women especially those who perceive themselves to be low in mate value use revealing attire to advertise what seems to be their hookupability and other exploitability cues. However, these seemingly poor, defenseless sex bunnies may actually be looking to advance their own mating and relationship goals. As for how this might work, if a man likes the casual sex and keeps coming back for more, maybe, just maybe, she can draw him into a relationship. (Hookupily ever after?)

 However, this approach is a risky strategy because, as Goetz and her colleagues point out, men found women displaying cues to sexual exploitability to be attractive as short-term mates, but, importantly, not attractive as long-term mates. 

 As for what you might make of all this, its best to avoid clothes with coverage just this side of G-strings and nipple tassels, as well as overtly sexual poses (like sucking on a finger...subtle!). 

However, you can take advantage of evolutionary psychology research that finds that men are drawn to women with an hourglass figure (as well as...heh...women who use deceptive undergarments to fake having one). 

In short, your best bet is posting shots of yourself looking classysexual. This means wearing clothes that reveal your curves to a man but not your medical history: I dont know her name yet, dude, but I can tell you that she had her gallbladder removed.

(c.) 2019, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA  90405, or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ( Weekly radio show:



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