Rehash marks

If you wanted to repeat yourself constantly, you’d get a side hustle as a parrot.

 Let’s be honest. When a friend puts their relationship issues on endless repeat, it’s tempting to put the phone down while they’re talking and go prune your ivy. 

It’s tempting for anyone but probably more so for you because you’re a woman. Women, in general, have a tendency to be indirect — to hint at what they want rather than coming right out and stating it.

 Women’s hintishness is often viewed as a flaw, but as I wrote recently, the late psychologist Anne Campbell, who researched female psychology and behavior, viewed it as an evolutionary feature. 

Campbell believed this indirectness evolved as a way for women — the baby carriers and primary child carers of the species — to avoid physical confrontation that could leave them hurt or dead. (If you don’t quite say something, somebody won’t quite have the ammunition to clobber you for it.)

 But a tendency is not a mandate. You can understand why you, as a woman, might feel uncomfortable being direct — stating exactly what works for you —  but you can decide to be direct despite that. 

To help keep the guy from seeing you as mean, unkind, or a crappy friend for saying “no mas” on hearing the sameoldsameold, explain, “I care about you, and it’s really painful to hear about you continuing to let yourself be abused.”

 Follow this up with something like: “My advice has not changed, and I hope you’ll eventually take it. Until then, I’m sorry. I just can’t hear about this situation anymore.” 

Difficult as this might be, it’s less invasive than the next-best option: having a string installed in the back of your head that you pull and out comes “So sorry to hear that” over and over and over again.

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(c.) 2019, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA  90405, or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon

From Staff Reports

“Downton Abbey: The Exhibition” will open at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville on Nov. 8 for a limited engagement that will continue through April 7, 2020. 

“This immersive exhibition will feature set recreations, costumes and exclusive multimedia elements, providing guests with a chance to step inside the world of Carnival Films’ global television phenomenon” — and the feature film, which was released in the United States as a feature film on Sept. 20, Biltmore noted in a press release. 

“Showcased in two locations at Biltmore, the exhibition will transport guests on an incredible journey through the grand home of Downton Abbey, providing an inside look into the world of the Crawleys and those that served them below stairs. 

“It will also provide a fascinating look at all aspects of the post-Edwardian era in which the TV series is set, and offer in-depth insight into the remarkable events that shaped the world, such as World War I.”

At Biltmore’s Amherst, never-before-seen multimedia elements and the series’ most recognizable sets and artifacts will immerse guests in the social history, culture and memorable moments from the show. 

At Biltmore Legacy, guests will get an up-close look at more than 50 of the show’s costumes that were worn by their favorite actors including Michelle Dockery, Hugh Bonneville and Dame Maggie Smith.

 “Downton Abbey: The Exhibition” is produced by NBCUniversal International Studios and Imagine Exhibitions. Biltmore marks the fourth stop on the exhibition’s U.S. tour, which has received wide critical acclaim.

The exhibition made its U.S. debut in New York City in November 2017, where it was hailed by The New York Times as, “a cleverly immersive experience mounted with the same exacting care as the show itself.” Following its debut, the exhibition completed a stop in West Palm Beach and followed, just before its Biltmore engagement, in Boston at The Castle at Park Plaza.

 “There are many parallels between Downton Abbey and Biltmore’s real-life story of the Vanderbilt family, their friends and staff,” said Biltmore Director of Entertainment and Event Programming Travis Tatham. “We know the world of Downton Abbey really resonates with our guests. With ‘Downton Abbey: The Exhibition,’ we’re excited to provide a new, interactive experience unlike any we have had at Biltmore.

Meanwhile, Gareth Neame, executive chairman of Carnival Films and executive producer of “Downton Abbey,” was quoted in the press release as saying, “Biltmore is an estate that is rich with history, so it makes for the perfect home for ‘Downton Abbey: The Exhibition.’ For those only just embarking on the Downton journey or fans who have longed to experience its splendor, this is the ultimate opportunity to immerse yourself in the real sets and get up close to over 50 costumes and artifacts from the series. You can also see the historical context and subject matter behind the show, which you wouldn’t see otherwise, and learn more about the society, culture and issues, which led to the stories we told.”  

Dominic Burns, senior vice president of brand management for NBCU, added, “We are delighted to be bringing ‘Downton Abbey: The Exhibition’ to the majestic setting of Biltmore for the fourth stop on our U.S. tour. The beautiful estate, with all of its treasures, will provide the perfect backdrop for our exhibition, which we are sure will hold fascinating appeal to Biltmore members and visitors.”